The Good Life (4)
So the 2nd big lesson that we
learned is that it’s not just
the number of friends you have,
and it’s not whether or not you
are in a committed relationship,
but it’s the quality of your
close relationships that matters.
It turns out that living in the
midst of conflicts is really bad
for our health. High conflicted
marriages, for example, without
much affection, turn out to be
very bad for our health perhaps
worse than getting divorced.
And living in the midst of good,
warm relationships, is protective.
Once we’ve followed our men all
the way into their 80s, we wanted
to look back at them at mid-life,
and to see if we can predict who
was going to grow into a happy,
healthy octogenarian and who
wasn’t. And when we gather
together, everything we knew
about them at age 50, it wasn’t
their middle age cholesterol
levels that predicted how they
were going to grow old.
It was how satisfied they were
in their relationships.
The people, who were the most
satisfied in their relationships
at age 50, were the healthiest at
age 80.
And good close relationships seem
to buffer us from some of the
slings and arrows of getting old.
Our most happily partnered men
and women, reported in their 80s,
that on the days when they had
more physical pain, their moods
stayed just as happy.
But the people who were in
unhappy relationships, on the
days when they reported more
physical pain, it was magnified
by more emotionalpain.
And the 3rd big lesson that we
learned about relationships on our
health is, that good relationships
don’t just protect our bodies,
they protect our brains.
It turns out, that being in a
securely attached relationship to
another person in your 80s is
protective.
And the people who are in a
relationship that they really
feel that they can count on the
other person in times of need,
those people’s memories stay
shaper longer.
And people in a relationship where
they feel they really can’t count
on the other one, those are the
people who would experience
earlier memory decline.
And those good relationships,
they don’t have to be smooth all
the time. Some of the octogenarian
couples could bicker with each
other day in and day out.
But as long as they felt that they
can really count on the other one
when they are going out tough,
those arguments didn’t take a
toll on their memories. So, this
message, that good,
close relationships are good for
our health and well-being; this
is the wisdom that’s as old as
the hills.
It’s your grandmother’s advice,
and your pastor’s.
BY --- Dr. Robert Waldinger
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